Calair Icebrook (calair) wrote in shinyshinyelves,
Calair Icebrook

Jagrinth And Zombies

deer diary. we said were going to Talie where the bandits are and stop them from botharing peeple. sum of us wanted to go over the mountain and some of us wanted to go on the road and sum of us wanted to take a boat. boats make me seesick. so evenshuly we agreed to take the road. by the time we stopped arguing it was the middul of the day so we didnt get to Talie that day. if we were all ogers we would just have got a sheep and pulled and whoever gets the big bit gets to say which way but humans dont do that.

when it was dark we stopped at an old fallen down house. lots of stirges tride to eat Taklinn and Martin but we squished them all. and there was a guy running towards us he was one of the bandits called Simon and he was very smelly and he was sick. he said dead things killed the bandits so i thought we should go back to the village and get our money becos the bandits were dead. but we desided to go on to Talie anyway.

when we got neer Talie it was pretty smelly. we couldnt hear peeple and Simon was still sick. there was a dead person in town on the ground and we went into the big mansion house. there were three peple in there counting money but they werent alive they were ghosts. we started hitting them and made them go away but Bishop went upstairs and there was an old lady there. she was tide up. so he rescude her but Gretel said sumthing was hurting Bishop so peeple ran upstairs. i axed Gretel if i should get Bishop down and she said yes but the stares were all crowded. so i walked into the room under the bedroom and hit the ceiling with my axe and made a hole. then peple started coming downstairs. the old lady seemed nice so i didnt know what was hurting Bishop. then somebody screemed outside so i went out and there where ghouls eating Simon. peeple inside where arguing and shouting and i didnt reelly understand why so i just started hitting the ghouls with my axe until they stoped moving. then i went inside again and Bishop was angry and trieing to kill Gretel so i knoked him out. then Gretel said the old lady was evil and she tride to bite Bishop or maybe kiss him but i thort she mite be biteing him so i pulled her hed off with my chane. and then she turned into a nasty dead demon thing. so it was good that i killed her. then i choped Simons hed off just in case.

then we went to the merchants shops and it was all trashed and there was blood on the floor but we found some money. Gretel yelled out to see if there was anybody about and some zmobies started coming towards us from the inn. we shot at them and i axshally hit one with my bow! and we killed them but there was still sumthing in the inn so we desided to rush the inn. i whirled my chane around and around and walloped severul zombies it was good fun!! whack splat smush! Rollo used a spel to set the inn on fire and when more zombies came out i smashed them too! sum of them throo worms at me or sumthing and they tride to dig into my skin but they cudnt. then i went in to see if there was any shinies in the inn but there was only sum bottles so i grabed them and got out before it burned down.

there was more zombies neer the mine so we went to kill those. but then Gretel said Bishop was hurt hed gone over to the stables to see the horses. so i ran over to the stables. there was big black horses with fire in their hooves and tales. so i put on my ring of cromulance and smashed the roof and pulled Bishop out. and the horses kicked Taklinn and bit him and he dide. Rollo made lots of wolfs and badges and stuff come and they helped and Gretel heeled me because the horses were kicking me pretty hard. and we killd them all. Martin was all soggy and it turnd out while we were fiteing the zombies he fell in the lake and neerly drowned with his armor on but Gretel made some dolphins come and help him. and my chane got stuck on the inn and then the inn fell over on us but i got my chane back so that was all right.

“But if we do that, we're no better than the bandits.”
“Is that a problem?”
“We're going by boat.”
“Over the mountain.”
“Bandits don't like outlaws.”
“Then we tell them we're in-laws.”
“Let's go loot the merchants' quarter! Let's go loot - um, let's go protect the merchants' quarter from evil.”
“Just remembered you're playing the cleric?”
“It's the sort of thing a shopkeeper would keep to defend himself against zombies.”
“Nothing confuses zombies more than moonwalking.”
“A little bit of fire never hurt anybody.”
“Jagrinth, this smell is like the last time you washed your underwear.”
“The last time I what?”
“I mean, the last time I what my what?”
“Technically, ogres do have underwear. When our clothes get dirty we put on clean clothes over them.”
“That's why you're so big.”
“Under these clothes, I'm actually a gnome.”
“Inside every ogre is a gnome struggling to get out.”
“Struggling very hard.”
“We'd better not talk about my 'inner child'.”
“It's a standards-compliant barricade.”
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