Calair Icebrook (calair) wrote in shinyshinyelves,
Calair Icebrook

More bloody ogre ramblings

hello again. this is Jagrinth. im going to tell you about me.

im from great big smashed skull island. its got lots of ogres. it was founded by my great sumthing grandparents who settled there to eat shipwreked sailors and whails. i grew up there with my brothers and sisters from the marrowmuncher clan (except the puny ones we ate). sometimes the bloodysmile clan thought they could beat us but we showed them. im a marrowmuncher warrior becos i hit one of the bloodysmiles in battle and ate him. it was good fun.

then i saw a boat crashd near tasty eyeball rock. there was lots of bloodysmiles down there and theyd caught three humans to take back to their camp. tasty eyeball rock is ours and we wanted to eat the humans so we got our axes and clubs and rocks and snuck up on them and just when they were about to put the humans on a spit we started cracking skulls! there were more bloodysmiles then we expekted and some of us got killed too and some ran away. then i saw lots and lots of humans coming from the see with bos and swords and things. i new we wer all in truble so i yelled “eating peeple is wrong” and i grabbed the prisaners and ran to the humans and they killed the other ogers but not me. then they sed i was really nice for an ogre and they gave me beef. i ate it and it was pretty good espeshuly the squirmy wormy bits.

then they sed they were going to a war and if id come along and fight for them theyd give me lots of food and stuff. so i did. we were on a boat and i got seesick. then we got to some place. they told me to put an X on a piece of paper. they gave me a great big axe and i killed lots of people with it. and then they told me not to kill the people with red uniforms on so i didn't any more except by accident.

then they said it was payday and they gave me a gold piece. then harrold said hed give me five coins for just that one so i gave him my gold piece and he gave me five silver! and then he said for four silver hed give me some good advice so i gave him four silver. then he told me i should get paid much more than a gold piece and also that gold is worth lots more than silver. so i asked for more gold and they said no because id already signed a contract but i yelled at them and they gave me a raise. harrold showed me how reading and writing works and thats how i can write this. then we killed more people and stormed a castle and i got to break down the door! it was lots of fun! they didnt give me much food but i was aloud to eat dead horses so that was all right.

when we stormed the castle i got some arrows stuck in me. harrold said i should wear armour and i wasnt very keen on it at first because i thought armour was for wusses. but then he told me that you can also hit people with it so i said id try it. and it was pretty good and made people run away even more so i desided to get proper armour. i paid the smith and he made me some with spikes on it but not enough. so when we fought some elves that had shiny silver daggers i took the sharp bits off those and the smith put those on the armour. now its great. and then there were some wizards and one of them made a demon come with spiky chains. i hit it with my axe until it died but the chains were pretty cool so i paid the smith and he took a great big chain and put more spikes on it. but im not sure whether its enough spikes yet. anyway its a really good chain for whacking things with.

then they sed the war was over so we had to find new work. and some of the guys from the war said i cud work for them. it was pretty much like the war but less people. i got to say grr and peeple gave us stuff and said dont hit us. eksept one guy he put a ring on and got big like me! but I whacked him anyway and took his ring and it fits on my little finger really nice and makes me even bigger! but it dusnt work very long.

then they said theyd pay me later and then it was later and they didnt pay me. and i got cross and left them. and then i went to the town and they said i cud work for them and id hit bandits and pull cows out of wells and stuff. and if peeple were drunk id pick them up and take them to the jale. but sumtimes i got drunk and then theyd put me on a big cart and take me to the jale.
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